Tag: humor

A moment of levity – Corporate/Commercial Law – Australia

by Paul, posted in Humour

Office rules issued by a Sydney Law firm in 1852. Fortunately for all concerned, legal workplace have become slightly more informal in the intervening 162 years.

Rules for the Clerical Staff

I like #7: “The calls of nature are permitted, and the Clerical Staff may use the garden below the second gate.”

via A moment of levity – Corporate/Commercial Law – Australia.

Short story for engineers………. – Tailwaggers and Jokes – Malwarebytes Forum

by Paul, posted in Humour

Anyone who has ever worked for a big company or the government will understand this one…

A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can’t be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket don’t get peed off and buy another product instead.
Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.
The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8
million) later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start the line.
A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the
project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. “That’s some money well spent!” – he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.
It turns out, the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It should’ve been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren’t picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.
Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty boxes off of the belt and into a bin.
“Oh, that,” says one of the workers – “one of the guys put it there ’cause he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang”

(source via Short story for engineers………. – Tailwaggers and Jokes – Malwarebytes Forum.)

No license needed

by Paul, posted in Humour

I was working in my yard when a car came crashing through my hedge and ended up on my front lawn. I rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car.
I said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.”
“Yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t need a driver’s license anymore.”
She continued, “The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors and cut up my license and threw the pieces into the waste basket.”
He said, “You won’t need this anymore,” so I thanked him and left!

Apple drops ‘thermonuclear’ patent bombshell • The Register

by Paul, posted in IT Humour

The first entry among the patent’s Claims describes “A quadrilateral having all four interior angles of 90°, opposite sides that are parallel, and congruent diagonals that bisect each other.”

Yes, Apple is asserting a patent on the rectangle.

via Apple drops ‘thermonuclear’ patent bombshell • The Register.